How to Support a Loved One Struggling with Mental Illness
The Challenge of Supporting a Loved One
When someone we love is struggling with mental illness, we often feel helpless. We want to help, but we may not know how. We might say the wrong thing, offer advice that doesn’t help, or feel overwhelmed by the weight of their suffering. This guide offers practical ways to support your loved one while also caring for yourself.
What Mental Illness Really Is
First, it’s important to understand that mental illness is a real medical condition, not a character flaw or a failure of faith. Just as we wouldn’t expect someone to “snap out of” diabetes or a broken leg, we cannot expect someone to simply overcome mental illness through willpower alone.
Mental illnesses include:
- Depression
- Anxiety disorders
- Bipolar disorder
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
- Schizophrenia
- And many others
Each person’s experience is unique, and recovery looks different for everyone.
Do’s and Don’ts
DO:
Listen Without Judgment Sometimes the most powerful thing you can do is simply listen. Let your loved one share their feelings without trying to fix everything or offer solutions immediately.
Educate Yourself Learn about their specific condition. Understanding what they’re going through can help you respond with compassion and appropriate support.
Encourage Professional Help Gently encourage them to seek help from mental health professionals. Offer to help them find a therapist or to accompany them to appointments if they’d like.
Be Patient Recovery takes time and isn’t linear. There will be good days and bad days. Your consistent presence matters more than quick fixes.
Take Care of Yourself You cannot pour from an empty cup. Make sure you’re also getting support, whether through friends, support groups, or your own therapy.
Offer Specific Help Instead of saying “Let me know if you need anything,” offer specific assistance: “Can I bring you dinner on Tuesday?” or “Would it help if I drove you to your appointment?”
Validate Their Feelings Acknowledge that their pain is real, even if you don’t fully understand it. Say things like “That sounds really difficult” or “I’m sorry you’re going through this.”
DON’T:
Don’t Minimize Their Struggle Avoid phrases like:
- “Just think positive”
- “Others have it worse”
- “You have so much to be grateful for”
- “This is just a phase”
- “Have you tried exercising/praying more?”
These statements, however well-intentioned, can make someone feel dismissed and misunderstood.
Don’t Take It Personally Mental illness can cause people to withdraw, become irritable, or say hurtful things. Try to remember that the illness is speaking, not the person you love.
Don’t Enable Unhealthy Behaviors Supporting someone doesn’t mean protecting them from all consequences or allowing destructive behaviors to continue. There’s a balance between compassion and healthy boundaries.
Don’t Try to “Fix” Them You are not responsible for curing their mental illness. Your role is to support them as they pursue their own healing journey.
Don’t Give Up Recovery takes time. Your consistent presence and support matter, even when progress seems slow.
Practical Ways to Help
1. Help with Daily Tasks
Mental illness can make even simple tasks feel overwhelming. You might:
- Prepare or bring meals
- Help with household chores
- Assist with errands or grocery shopping
- Help care for children or pets
- Manage paperwork or appointments
2. Be a Bridge to Professional Help
You can:
- Help research therapists or psychiatrists
- Assist with insurance questions
- Offer to drive them to appointments
- Help them keep track of medications
- Encourage them to follow their treatment plan
3. Create a Safety Plan
If your loved one has thoughts of suicide, work with them (and their mental health provider) to create a safety plan that includes:
- Warning signs to watch for
- Coping strategies
- People to contact
- Places to go for help
- Emergency numbers (988, local crisis lines, emergency room)
4. Stay Connected
Even when they withdraw:
- Send regular texts or messages
- Visit when they’re up for it
- Invite them to activities (but don’t pressure them)
- Let them know you’re thinking of them
- Celebrate small victories
A Catholic Perspective
Accompany Them in Their Suffering
Jesus showed us how to be present to those who suffer. He didn’t always fix the problem immediately, but He always offered His presence and compassion.
Pray for and with Them
If they’re open to it, offer to pray with them. Even if they’re struggling with their faith, knowing others are praying for them can be comforting.
Connect Them with Faith Resources
Consider:
- Compassionate priests or pastoral ministers
- Catholic therapists who integrate faith and healing
- Parish support groups
- The sacraments, especially Reconciliation and Anointing of the Sick
Remember the Dignity of the Person
Always treat your loved one with the dignity and respect due to someone created in God’s image. Mental illness doesn’t diminish their worth or God’s love for them.
When It’s an Emergency
If your loved one is in immediate danger:
- Call 988 for the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline
- Go to the nearest emergency room
- Call 911 if necessary
- Stay with them until help arrives
- Remove any means of self-harm if possible and safe to do so
Trust your instincts. It’s better to err on the side of caution.
Caring for the Caregiver
Supporting someone with mental illness can be emotionally and physically exhausting. Remember to:
Set Healthy Boundaries
You can be supportive while still maintaining boundaries that protect your own well-being.
Seek Your Own Support
Consider:
- Support groups for families (like NAMI Family Support Group)
- Your own therapy
- Talking with trusted friends or clergy
- Online communities of people in similar situations
Practice Self-Care
Make time for:
- Activities you enjoy
- Rest and sleep
- Exercise and healthy eating
- Prayer and spiritual renewal
- Time with other friends and family
Remember You’re Not Alone
Many others are walking this same difficult path. Reach out, connect, and remember that seeking help is a sign of wisdom, not weakness.
A Message of Hope
Supporting a loved one with mental illness is one of the most challenging things you can do. But your love, presence, and support make a real difference. Recovery is possible, and you don’t have to walk this journey alone.
As St. Paul reminds us: “Bear one another’s burdens, and so you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).
Your willingness to walk alongside your loved one in their struggle is a powerful expression of Christ’s love.
For more resources on supporting loved ones with mental illness, visit our Resources page or contact us for additional help.